Finding light after loss - Bianca Naidoo talks life after Riky Rick's death
Bianca says Riky’s passing made her realise that she has been in survival mode for the longest time...
Bianca Naidoo, the wife of late rapper Rikhado 'Riky Rick' Makhado, says not a day goes by that she doesn't think of him.
The 'Boss Zonke' hitmaker died in February 2022 after losing his battle with depression.
Speaking to Mpoomy Ledwaba on her 'Wisdom & Wellness' podcast, Bianca says picking up the pieces after the loss of a loved one takes time.
"There is not a day that goes by or, I think, like a moment that goes by that I don’t think of him in the things that I am doing. Something as simple as buying bread, it’s so instilled in you. Every single day is having to go through that and you just have to get through it."
The mother of two adds that her children, son Maik Daniel Makhado and daughter Jordan Jade, help her get through the difficult days.
"I’m now starting to find joy, being okay with being happy and being okay with being sad when I need to be sad… I spend a lot of time with the kids and I think the joy that they give me is more than enough," she says.
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Bianca, whose dad is Indian and mom is black, says her best childhood memories were spent with loved ones on both sides of the family.
"I had the most amazing childhood. We just spent a lot of time with family... I had the best of both worlds. Our families we always getting together to do things. It's something I wish my kids had now."
She is also sad that Riky won't get to watch their kids grow up. ‘Little Maiki’ turned 10 in March while Jordan celebrated her 15th birthday in November last year.
"Grief is losing someone, and when I lost my dad when I was 19, that was so different to losing a partner. A partner becomes your best friend. You talk and do everything with them. And when there are kids involved there is a lot of guilt that goes into that other person not being around," she told Mpoomy.
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Her parents' divorce and her father's death affected her mental health, but she only started going to therapy for the first time in 2023.
“Riky’s passing definitely made me realise I have been in survival mode for the longest time and not necessarily paying attention to things that are important, because I feel like I've got this and I can figure it out on my own. I navigated it well but last year brought me to a point where I’m like, okay, I can’t do this anymore. I need to start living and I need to start, also also being honest with yourself and being honest about your feelings,” she said.
When asked about how she would define her grief process, Bianca tells Mpoomy that she sometimes feels like she has not started grieving.
"I can have my good moments, and then I have moments when I totally shut down. I block everything and everyone out because I need that time to go through it on my own, figure it out and be okay."
Watch Mpoomy's interview with Bianca on YouTube below.
You can also listen to the full interview on Spotify.
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Main image credit: YouTube/Mpoomy Ledwaba