Hi I’m Terence, and I’m a germophobe

Listen to this week's edition of The Good, Bad and Ugly below, or read the details under the podcast.

I am a germophobe. Anyone who knows me well knows this about me. The thing is it rears its ugly head even more so over this flu season, and I try and avoid contact with anyone I believe is an incubus of viral plague at this time.

So naturally, Keri had to take a dig at Terence in the worst way!

I also travel quite a lot and this combined with my OCD is more often than not a recipe for disaster. So you can imagine my disgust when I heard some actress on the Graham Norton Show say that one should never use the kettle in hotels because apparently it’s a well-known fact that drunken men have a tendency to use them as urinals. The story, she said, is that they’re too drunk and lazy to go all the way to the toilet, which is usually next door.

I can’t say for sure whether this is just an urban legend or not, but I never use the kettle in a hotel room – ever –just on the off chance that there might be some truth to this!

The fact is: I do carry a can of disinfectant and I give everything a once over before I touch them. I mean Gordon Ramsay’s Hotel Hell is enough to make anyone super paranoid every time they walk into a hotel room. But my germophobia is not exclusive to hotel rooms. I also hate my personal space being invaded when I’m in a queue at a shop or even worse is when the said invader of my space coughs and doesn’t cover his or her mouth.

I have to say that I don’t suffer these incidents in silence. I usually turn around a give the offender a dressing down on hygiene and common courtesy. It’s my worst. The thing is, if you know you’re ill, carry a handkerchief or tissues with you and cough your germs into that. I take great precautions to immunise myself from coming into contact with germs and so I’ll be damned if I allow some stranger in a supermarket to cough all over me!

And while I’m on this subject, people need to realise that personal space is very important. If you’re standing in a queue, make sure there’s an ample gap between you and the person in front of and behind you. Don’t stand so close to them that you actually end up breathing down their necks.

Then there’s the matter of shaking hands. I cannot understand this idiotic practice – especially during flu season. I know that it’s meant to be proper social etiquette, but it’s also the fastest way to spread germs. I went to a meeting the other day and I noticed the man had full blown flu and was wiping the tip of his nose with his bare hands. And then he tried to shake my hand by way of saying hello. I just calmly put up my hand and said, “No, no, I have glandular fever” and made it seem as if I was the one with the germs. It never occurred to him that he’s spreading his germs to everyone with whom he comes into contact.

So how do you protect yourself from these people who insist on touching you when they’re full of germs? I just do a fist bump or a hug if I know the person well enough and even then I go straight to my car and whip out the hand sanitizer.

I think some people switch off that part of their brain that causes them not to see the little micro-expressions and subtle messages that you project – or in my case, not so subtle – and they just don’t read them.

When I was living in a block of flats I had a neighbour who could never read my cues. I used to get home from work really fatigued and sit down on my patio with a cup of tea and the newspaper or catch up on social media on my phone and she would arrive and start to talk at me! And I would deliberately avert my eyes or turn my body away from her and never responded – or when I did, I did so in a series of grunts – and still she would just continue to talk at me, never to me, always at me! 

I always thought, “I’m sending very clear non-verbal messages that screamed I’m not available to engage with you” and yet she couldn’t read those messages at all and continued to just bulldoze straight over my messages. And people do this all the time. It’s definitely behaviour that needs to be fine-tuned. People need to be aware of other people’s silent signals.

There was also a time that I shared a flat with my best friend who couldn’t understand non-verbal communication. But he took it a step further. I remember we shared the vitamins that were in the medicine cabinet and one day I walked past to find him with his fingers in the container. “Your hands have destructive oils on them,” I yelled at him. “You should tip them into the lid and use them from there!”

“What are you complaining about the vitamins for?” he asked.”We share a toothbrush!

I think I suffered a minor stroke that day. I immediately went and had a full work up done at a dentist and went on a week’s treatment of broad spectrum anti-biotics. And from that day onwards I never left my toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. It was the most disgusting moment of my life!

A flight is also quite a traumatic event for me. I mean I don’t want to engage with the person next to me. I put on my headphones or bury myself in a newspaper or book. And almost always, a talker – this, despite my most valiant attempts at not wanting any kind of engagement. And it’s not like a taxi that you can get out of, you’re stuck there. Again, they don’t read the signals.

I mean, here we are stuck in this massive, metal cylindrical cavity for an hour or two, or more on an international flight, filled with germs and all the person next to you wants to do is tell you where they’re going to. I must say, if money was no question, I would buy all three seats and ensure I sat alone.

The fact is: I am the person who, if someone is throwing up and needed help, I would take a long broom stick and tap that person on his shoulder and offer support that way. I think the old phrase; “I wouldn’t touch that with a barge pole” was invented because of me!

Are you someone who gets freaked out by germs or are you the one that pushes the boundaries?

You can email Terence Pillay at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter: @terencepillay1 and engage with him there.