Ending the cycle of abuse: Pearl Thusi's tearful tribute
"Excluding ourselves and making excuses because of shame is not necessary. Talking, whether it be your friends or a professional therapist, go..." - Pearl Thusi.
Psychologist Paul Bushell offers his advice on what you should do if you find yourself in an abusive situation;
"Excluding ourselves and making excuses because of shame is not necessary. Talking, whether it be your friends or a professional therapist, go..." said Pearl Thusi at #MercuryUnileverWomensDayLunch #SayNoToViolence pic.twitter.com/VxmdPyl6Zz
— The Mercury™ (@TheMercurySA) August 3, 2018
Speaking at a recent Women's Month event, Pearl Thusi opened up about her mother and the abuse she suffered at the hands of Pearl's father. As she sobbed and tried to maintain composure, she asked that we all speak up and step out of the shadows.
Read: My biggest fear is women and child abuse: Cele
As the keynote speaker, her gut-wrenching speech delved into how even though her father was an "incredible father" to his children; she begged her mother to leave him and had to bear witness to their relationship, which eventually had an impact on her adult life.
Many years later I comprehend the consequences of what my first love did and the man I chose to love thereafter. I realise how terrible it was and I wish my father’s ignorance and even my mother’s long suffering and patience didn’t normalise this behaviour for me.
Thusi's emotional speech speaks about ending the cycle of violence and how just the witnessing of abuse can taint your view on love and what love should be.
Listen: Phoenix mum who abused her child speaks out for the first time
I can't imagine the damage done to victims of abuse. For a child seeing a parent hurt the other parent must be so confusing and heartbreaking. In this case, a dad is a blueprint on how to treat a woman and it must be heartbreaking standing on the sidelines watching this sort of behaviour. Parents are meant to guide and protect.
POWA (People Opposing Women Abuse) launched a campaign earlier this year called, 'The Daily Abuse Campaign', that focuses on victims of abuse and their stories.
Read: Domestic abuse survivor urges others to speak out about their abuse
According to POWA, an average of 360 incidences of physical and sexual abuse against women take place in South Africa daily. This means that a woman is physically abused every four minutes. The message is clear - abuse needs to stop, NOW!
There are people who’ve opted for apathy, indifference and even victim-shaming when hearing about domestic violence and South Africans need to ask: if we as a nation say we are tired of hearing about it, imagine those who are living with it every day. The Daily Abuse is a publication that will bring attention and remind us all that domestic violence and sexual abuse is indeed a crisis that needs us all to be active citizens in curbing its prevalence.
The message is clear from Pearl Thusi and POWA; we need to be vocal and stop the stigma that the victim is to blame.
I'm sure these types of behaviours must seep into all aspects of life from choosing people to fall in love with and then of course, the behaviour you are worthy of receiving. These stories are sad and unsettling. My heart goes out to victims of abuse.
It's time for us to open up the dialog and end the cycle of violence from our homes, and then as a society at large.