Comment of the week: Should men cry?
"Braai and don't cry" - This statement prompted Jane to look into why many men are of the view that tears are meant for women only.
Yesterday, what started as a general 'Where is the best place to have a cry' ended with a hardcore voice note from a man who said quite matter of factly that men don't cry, they should rather 'grow a pair.' I would far rather have a man who is gentle yet strong, kind yet firm, than a man who is all beard, beer, gun, and bakkie.
Read: Bongani: 'Is it acceptable for men to cry?'
Listen below to what got the topic heated up, and how others have responded.
Below, my view on the issue. Listen to it, or read it below.
Taking a step back, I must say there is nothing more attractive than a man who is honest, kind, caring, and at ease with showing his emotions.
I thought the number of male voice notes on the topic yesterday was refreshing and loved how open and at ease they were with sharing where they have a good cry, namely in the shower, car, at home with their better half, and even watching a sad movie.
The whole 'boys don't cry' thing is such an antiquated mindset. I think if we teach our boys to use kind words, be respectful, and well mannered. As well as teaching them to identify how they feel and to be in tune with their emotions, it would make the world a more tolerant place.
Read: Model loses sight after crying purple tears!
Statistics show that tears flow for women between 30 and 64 times a year, while men only well up between six and 17 times per year - surely this is unhealthy? Furthermore, women will cry 4,680 times over their adult lifetime - more than twice as much as men.
A study by Elite Singles of 1,500 people asked 'how do men believe women view them crying or showing emotion?' The answer - 95% of women answered ‘yes’ to the question ‘do you think women prefer men who are open with their emotions?’, only 84% of men answered the same way. The study also concluded that men are also unlikely to admit that they do shed a tear due to fear of being judged.
What I'm trying to get men to see is that us ladies want you to cry. We find it totally okay and an appealing trait.
I loved this article I came across on Psychology Today. From a health point of view, crying is a must - shedding tears plays an important role in keeping the eyes lubricated and protecting them from irritation.
Being told that "big boys don't cry," boys are socialized against any display of strong emotion considered inappropriate while crying is specifically targeted as being "feminine" behaviour.
This question is for all males: In this day and age, do you as a male feel judged by showing vulnerable emotion?