"The woman he had an affair with let him know that she was pregnant and keeping it"
This KZN listener has reached out seeking advice...
Long-term relationships can often go through very rough patches. However, it is with sheer effort, a sense of duty, and undeniable love that can mend broken bonds.
A healing process is what had to occur for this family, who had to undergo a period of an affair.
There is no denying that a new addition to the family will spark joy, but this wife simply cannot come to terms with having to raise the "love-child" of Kimberly's husband's brief affair.
This has hindered her healing process and she has therefore reached out for guidance.
Have a listen as Kimberly shares her story in the short podcast below:
Kimberly has been married to her husband for two years and recently was alerted that her husband was having an affair.
"As difficult as it has been, we have done the work and I have completely forgiven him. A few months later, however, the woman he had an affair with let him know that she was pregnant and keeping it. This is my husband's first child. Five months ago, he was born," says the listener.
Kimberly further shares her current dilemma with us...
I could get over an affair… hard as it has been, I could see myself getting over it. When the news of baby came into play, I was left speechless and numb, especially as we had not even planned on having kids of our own. As expected, my husband is absolutely smitten with his son and he is a great co-parent with the mother of the child, even in these early stages. I have actively kept my distance from the child because he needs to be in the care of his mom (breast feeding) and what have you, the child has not been forced on me (i.e sleeping in our home).
Kimberly does not believe that she can help raise this child and has been battling silently.
She describes that what hurts most is seeing what a great father her husband is. "That experience of ‘our first’ has been taken away from me," she adds.
Kimberly needs to make a decision on what to do now before the child can understand the dynamics of what is going on.
Read More: Transitioning from female to male... then finding out you're pregnant
We reached out to our Facebook community to see what advice they have for this listener.
Thank you so much for being compassionate, friends.
Some of the lengthy responses have been as follows:
- "If you have forgiven him and still love him then you both could possibly find a way to make this work. I think you already know that the baby is innocent in all this and should not be punished therefore you must be willing to accept that he will have to take responsibility for that child in all aspects."
- "That affair wasn't "brief". These days we don't tell women to do the work or stick it out. It's too costly. Just leave him and start healing."
- " For me it's a no. The baby momma will always hold it over your head that not only did she manage to entice your husband but now she has a 1up because they share a child. I would walk away."
- "I would suggest, that she gives the man space and just forget about him. The incident of a brief affair was going to linger in her head for years but the love child coming into the picture is a rubber stamp of unhappiness and a constant reminder that her man is a cheater who can always cheat again, in future."
- "My heart bleeds for you. You forgave him, which was the right thing to do if he was truly remorseful. BUT, if you know that raising this child or even knowing this child exists, would bring more problems you need to consider if it is worth it?"
Some other listeners shared their thoughts as follows:
We wish this family all the best in this uneasy time and hope that they can come to a resolution soon.
READ: Fixing KZN - one drive at a time
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