Myth busted: Opposites rarely attract

Updated April 7, 2025, 12:10 p.m. | By Stacey & J Sbu

Think opposites attract? Think again! Research shows that people are more likely to be drawn to those who share similar qualities and attitudes.

The idea that opposites attract has been a long-standing notion in popular culture, however, scientific research suggests that this concept is more myth than reality.

In fact, studies have consistently shown that people are more likely to be attracted to those who share similar qualities, attitudes, and values.

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One of the earliest studies on the topic was conducted by psychologist Donn Byrne, who developed the "phantom stranger technique" to investigate the impact of similarity on relationships.

Participants were asked to complete a questionnaire about their attitudes on various topics and then evaluate a fictional person based on their responses.

According to Viren Swami, a professor of social psychology, the results showed that participants were more attracted to individuals who held similar attitudes, with the degree of attraction increasing with the level of similarity.

Byrne's research suggested that people have a need for a logical and consistent view of the world, which is satisfied when they encounter others who share their attitudes and values. This need for consistency is a fundamental aspect of human psychology, driving our preferences and behaviours in relationships.

While attitudinal similarity is a strong predictor of attraction, research has also explored the role of sociodemographic dimensions, such as education, ethnicity, and age.

Studies have shown that online daters are more likely to contact and respond to individuals who share similar backgrounds, highlighting the importance of similarity in relationship formation.

However, some research suggests that dissimilarity can be attractive if it offers the potential for self-expansion and growth. This idea is supported by psychologist Arthur Aron’s research, which found that people are more likely to be attracted to others who offer new experiences and perspectives.

In reality, couples often discover that they disagree on certain topics, but they tend to bring their attitudes into alignment over time, becoming more similar to each other. This process of alignment highlights the importance of similarity in relationships.

The scientific consensus is clear: opposites rarely attract and people are more likely to be drawn to those who share similar qualities and attitudes.

If you're single and looking for love, the advice from decades of research is simple: focus on finding someone who shares your values and attitudes but also offers the potential for self-expansion and growth.

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