Lady Gaga fell pregnant after being sexually assaulted by music producer at 19
The 35-year-old singer is opening up about the moment that has affected her life every single day since it happened.
WARNING: This story contains mentions of self-harm and sexual abuse that might be triggering to some
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The pop star features as one of the many guests on the new Apple TV+ limited series 'The Me You Can't See'.
Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry have launched a new limited docuseries with Apple TV+ called, 'The Me You Can't See',where they guide discussions about mental health and include various guests throughout the five episodes, while also opening up about their own emotional and mental struggles.
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In the first episode, Lady Gaga was given the opportunity to talk about her mental health and how it has affected her life.
Although she has mentioned quite vaguely about being sexually assaulted before, this was the first time she has revealed more intimate details while telling her truth.
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She begins by telling the story of how she was sexually assaulted by a music producer when she was only 19-years-old and that she just froze while it was happening.
The producer had told her to take her clothes off and she refused. After saying "no" she left but they told her they would burn all of her music and they were relentless in their efforts. They didn't stop asking her and then it happened.
Unfortunately, she was not only left with the physical, emotional and mental trauma but also ended up falling pregnant after the rape had occurred.
Even years later she is still feeling the effects of this attack and even admitted to experiencing a "full psychotic break" (around 2018) where she felt extreme pain before going numb.
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She realised it was the same pain she had felt all those years before after her attacker had dropped her off at the corner in front of her parents' house where she stood vomiting from being in pain, sick and abused.
After years of chronic pain, her doctor suggested seeing a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with PTSD.
She also says she will not name her abuser because she is not comfortable enough to do it and she will most likely never be able to face this person again.
She also still suffers from constant thoughts of self-harm.
Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut. Think about dying. Wondering if I’m ever going to do it. I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it. What’s so interesting is the line I walk, feeling like I wanna cut myself and feeling like I don’t, are actually real close together. You know why it’s not good to cut? You know why it’s not good to throw yourself against the wall? You know why it’s not good to self-harm? Because it makes you feel worse. You think you’re going to feel better because you’re showing somebody, ‘Look, I’m in pain.’ It doesn’t help.
While you might feel pity for Gaga, she says that is not her intention behind sharing this story and instead is only hoping that by sharing this part of her life, she can help someone else.
I don’t tell this story for my own self-service, because, to be honest, it’s hard to tell. I feel a lot of shame about it. How do I explain to people that I have privilege, I’ve got money, I’ve got power, and I’m miserable? How do you do that? I’m not here to tell my story to you because I want anybody to cry for me. I’m good. But open your heart up for somebody else. Because I’m telling you, I’ve been through it and people need help. So, that’s part of my healing, being able to talk to you.
The series can be streamed on Apple TV+ and will also feature Lady Gaga, Glenn Close, celebrity chef Rashad Armstead, and many more.
You can watch the trailer for the series below:
Want to catch up on all your favourite duo's best moments? Listen to everything #StaceyAndJSbu below:
Main image courtesy of Apple TV+/YouTube