Experts explain why we suddenly become annoyed with the person we're dating
What is it that causes us to be absolutely in love one minute and completely turned off the next?
The world of dating is like a minefield. You might think you know exactly where a relationship is going and then, 'boom', all of a sudden it's blown up.
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A common occurrence within relationships is what is generally known as the 'ick'.
You could be happy in love and living your best life until you wake up one day and realise that everything this person does now irritates you no end.
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This has happened to most of us and while we can keep describing it as the 'ick', we thought we would find out exactly what it is and whether or not it can be stopped before it ruins another relationship.
Lara Asprey is the founder of the matchmaking organisation, The Love Company, and has appeared on many different match-making reality shows as an expert in the field.
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In an interview with the Independent, she spoke about the common 'ick' and she said it is totally out of our control.
It all comes down to how we can form a preconceived notion of someone and establish in our psyche an identity before we know who they really are. We, therefore, build people up before they have had the chance to prove themselves and then get wholly disappointed
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While some experts believe it is possible to get over this feeling, Asprey does not agree.
She claims it's impossible to change. If you are finding yourself relating to this and you develop 'the ick', then your "situationship" is likely only to lead to one conclusion. Asprey recommends asking yourself if you are just referring to an idealised image of the person you want.
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Sally Sheldon is the lead neuroscientist at Peak, which is a brain training app.
Her explanation of 'the ick' is more sciency, but makes just as much sense:
When you start to feel your relationship is heating up, your brain tries to protect you. When our minds circulate fearful, critical, judgemental thoughts, our brains release stress hormones, such as cortisol. Why? Because our brain doesn't know the difference between an event that's actually happening and one that we are imagining. Our survival response (fight, flight, or freeze) overrides our logical brains, putting our system on guard. We then convince ourselves that we're going to get hurt by this person, and we convince ourselves we don't like them anymore.
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But are there any actual solutions?
According to Dr Becky Spelman, a psychologist and clinical director of Private Therapy Clinic, you can choose how to respond to the feeling.
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Spelman states that it is incredibly important for the person experiencing the feeling to take ownership of it and accept the responsibility. If you are suddenly dealing with feelings of revulsion towards your new partner, you need to remember that this is still the same person you were initially attracted to in the first place.
This is the most important thing to remember, so that you do not consciously or unconsciously attempt to place the blame for your subjective feelings of revulsion on their shoulders.
Next time you feel yourself getting that gross, not-so-nice feeling, remember to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Or your relationship!
Main image courtesy of iStock