"I infected my boyfriend with HIV and I don’t know how to tell him"

Listen to Thandolwethu’s extended interview with this young woman about her secret, or read the details under the podcast.

A few weeks ago, an urbanite sent a message to us as part of our Thursday Unmask feature, where listeners tell us their secrets. As soon as I read the message it sent a chill down my spine and I knew I had to get in touch with her. At the young lady’s request her identity has been kept anonymous. 

Imagine being a young woman, finishing high school, and wanting to pursue your dreams. You grow up and begin to explore sexually and what starts out as fun and a few innocuous relationships, leads to more serious affairs and at times with more than one person. This is the story of a 22-year-old woman from Queensburgh who recently found out that she is HIV positive and believes she might have infected up to two of her most recent partners. 

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Although she was diagnosed with HIV last October, she says she hasn’t been able to muster up the courage to tell her most recent boyfriend that he too might be positive and is at risk of infecting other people. “I do really feel bad about that. I’ve tried so many times and I’d turn at his door thinking I’m going to tell him today but it just doesn’t happen. I don’t know what stops me.”

Anonymous says only her sister, with whom she is very close, knows about her status and she does not want to tell her family or the recent ex-boyfriend because he might lash-out violently at her. “I was scared honestly. Because he is that kind of guy that you can see that if I tell him, he might just strangle me,” she says. 

Anonymous points out that as a young woman she grew up in a loving but strict home and had not been sexually active until she was out of high school. She believes it’s this that led to her having more than one sexual relationship at a time and not always being cautious. “My mother was a very strict person so when she passed away I saw the freedom but thought I must finish my matric first because I don’t wanna get pregnant whilst I was in school. I must finish school then I must start doing it.”

According to the woman, she has told one person that she dated that she is HIV positive and advised him to get tested. She admits that he did not react very well to the news and this has deterred her from telling other people about her status, especially her now ex-boyfriend and other close friends. “We’d broken up but we were friends,” she says. “He asked me why are you being so selfish and why didn’t you tell me so I can get tested. Because now he’s been with someone and he’s given it to someone else as well.”

Although she is now on treatment, she says it has been difficult to accept her status, even though there are other people in her family living with the illness and she has a support group of other people living with HIV and AIDS. 

If you’re living with HIV/AIDS and are in need of assistance or support, please call the AIDS HELPLINE on 0800 012 322.

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