Marriage and children: Is that really what women should strive for?
You're turning 30, you're single, and the pressure is beginning to boil for you to get married. However, the weight only seems to be on women.
Listen as the women of KZN have their say on whether or not they feel they are seen as successful if they are unmarried and without kids below or read the details under the podcast.
It’s really interesting to be a woman and to get to 45 and not be married and not have kids. Especially when you have just pushed out your fifth kid on TV.
- “Oh, you just haven’t found the right guy yet.”
- “What are you going to DO?”
- "Oh, you poor thing.”
- “Why is someone like you still single?”
- "Have you ever thought of having kids?”
- “Why don’t you just have a kid on your own?”
Read: Expectant mother baffles the internet with newborn visiting rules
At some point or another, a single lady who has passed the 'prime' of her life has been told one of the above statements. Society enjoys applying undue pressure that a woman's success is purely based on being married and baring children - the more children, the better.
Late last year, Tracee Ellis Ross did a moving speech that got me thinking about why we allow this to happen. I work with three young ladies who are at the point in their lives where people are beginning to ask why they are not currently planning their weddings.
Tracee is a hugely successful actress but shares that she has often felt the pressures of society and the media about her personal life. Questions were arising on whether or not she is truly content with life.
Read: KZN women share relationship advice for men
Zama, my producer, expressed that culturally speaking, she ‘should’ have already been married by now and should also have at least one child. Another one of my colleagues who has a big Indian family is 29 and unmarried; she too is beginning to get asked the big marriage question, she even has family members trying to 'arrange' a partner for her.
From what I've learned through our conversation, it is something that is expected, and something that she is reminded of every time she goes back home. It is a universal pressure that we believe all women feel.
The pressure to be married and have kids = success. In many cultures, it is unheard of for a woman to decide never to marry and have kids.
I have never been one to bow down to social pressure but in saying that was married with three kids by the age of 33 years old.
As a woman, do you feel you can have a successful life without marriage and children?