Should she keep her husband's last name after divorce?
A woman says her ex-husband wants her to drop his last name because his new fiancé feels "uncomfortable" with her using it...
A divorcee says she feels like her ex-husband and his new partner are ganging up on her over her decision to keep his last name.
The 56-year-old woman says she divorced her husband two years ago after 26 years of marriage. "We have four kids, and the split was amicable. He came out as gay, and we mutually agreed to part ways," she wrote on Reddit.
She decided not to change her surname because it was not a priority then. The thought of updating her identity documents and bank accounts just seemed like a huge hassle.
"I still use his last name on official documents but go by my maiden name socially." Her ex-husband didn't seem to mind until he popped the question to his new fiancé.
"Recently, he got engaged to a wonderful guy. I’ve been supportive of their relationship, but during my grandson’s birthday party, my ex suddenly asked if I’d consider dropping his last name. His fiancé chimed in, saying it makes him uncomfortable that I still use it. I was caught off guard and awkwardly joked that unless they want to spend hours in lines at various government offices, I wasn’t going to change it," she wrote.
Unfortunately, her ex wasn't laughing. He told her he was starting a new chapter with someone else and she should "move on"!
The Redditor says the "situation felt bizarre" as her ex-husband didn't have an issue with her keeping his last name for two years.
"After the party, my ex called and argued that keeping his name makes it hard for his fiancé to feel like they’re starting a fresh life. I countered that our kids still use the same name, and it would feel strange for me to be the odd one out."
She later learned that her ex's fiancé was threatened by her using the name and felt like it was a "power play".
"I feel like I’m caught between trying to keep peace and being forced into something just because his fiancé is insecure. They want me to go through the hassle of changing everything for their comfort. I told my ex that I’ll consider it later—maybe after they’re married and settled. But now, he’s furious, saying I’m being petty and selfish," she wrote.
Her friends have told her to stand her ground, but her children are divided. One advises her to just change her surname to keep the peace.
ALSO READ: Husbands given permission to use their wives' surnames
Reddit users also chimed in. They told the woman not to change her last name if she didn't want to.
"Don't change your name! I had my ex's name for 22 years and changing it is horrible. I have so much stuff in that name, but as you stated, it's your children's name and you will always be their mother. If the fiancé has an issue it is too bad. If you change it, you will always be pissed at him for forcing you, and if you don't, he will have to get over it," one person wrote.
Some suggested that her ex-husband change his surname to his fiancé's family name.
"If it’s such a big deal let your ex be the one to change his name. You share a name with your children and do not have a compelling reason to change it. The fiancé’s insecurities are not enough."
"Have your ex take the fiancé’s name!!!!! Problem solved. Put this ball back in their court," another Reddit user commented.
Do you think she should change her last name? Have your say in the poll above.
How to listen to East Coast Radio:
1. Listen to East Coast Radio on the FM spectrum between 94 and 95 FM on your radio.
2. Listen live to ECR by clicking here or download the ECR App (iOS/Android).
3. Listen to East Coast Radio on the DStv audio bouquet
4. Listen to us on Amazon Alexa
Find East Coast Radio on the following social media platforms:
Main image credit: iStock/Aleksey Matrenin