The tiny habit that might be wrecking your relationship

Updated March 20, 2025, 6:53 a.m. | By East Coast Breakfast / Skyye Ndlovu

A dating expert warns of a small habit that can quietly destroy even the strongest relationships. Learn how to fix it before it’s too late.

When we think of breakups, we picture major betrayals like cheating, constant fights, or dramatic walkouts.

However, what if the real relationship killer is something much smaller, something so subtle that you don’t even realise you’re doing it?

According to The Gottman Institute, one of the biggest silent deal-breakers in relationships is failing to respond to your partner’s “bids” for attention. The tiny moments of connection that can make or break a relationship.

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Wait, what's a "bid"?

A bid is a small request for interaction – things like:

A casual comment about their day

A meme they send you

A gentle touch or an affectionate sigh

It’s not just about what they say or do; it’s about how you respond. If you constantly ignore, dismiss, or brush off these bids, it sends the message: “I’m not interested in you."

Even if that’s not your intention, the effect is the same: your partner starts feeling unnoticed, rejected, and emotionally disconnected.

Over time, they stop making bids altogether, and suddenly, you’re more roommates than lovers.

Why are we all guilty of this?

Life gets in the way – whether it’s work, stress, social media or those Netflix binges. It’s easy to unintentionally ignore a partner’s bid when you’re glued to your phone, deep in emails, or just having an off day. But when it happens too often, it erodes intimacy.

According to experts, this slow disconnection is one of the biggest predictors of breakups.

How to fix it before it's too late

The Gottman Institute says there are three ways people respond to bids:

Turning towards – engaging with the bid (the right way!)
Turning away – ignoring or missing the bid
Turning against – rejecting the bid in an argumentative way

If you want your relationship to thrive, option one is key.

Actually listen when your partner talks (even about random things!)

Put your phone down when they’re engaging with you

Show curiosity about their interests

Respond to their attempts to connect, even if it’s just a smile or a nod

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Studies show that couples who regularly “turn towards” each other have stronger emotional connections, better communication, and even more satisfying sex lives.

So, the next time your partner starts rambling about their latest obsession, pause, make eye contact, and engage.

The Gottman Institute sums it up perfectly: “Some people think they can put their relationship on ice and then thaw it out with the occasional romantic date night. But relationships are built and maintained with daily attention, not grand gestures.”

Are you ready to start winning at love? It might just be as simple as replying to that meme your partner sent you.