How to deal with bad neighbours

Updated Feb. 20, 2025, 7:04 a.m. | By East Coast Breakfast / Skyye Ndlovu

Do you hate your neighbour? Do they annoy you with their loud music and constant borrowing? Here’s a guide on how to deal with them.

Bad neighbour — Liudmila Chernetska / iStock

Living in South Africa means dealing with load shedding, taxi drivers who believe traffic laws are optional, and, of course, that one neighbour who makes you question your life choices.

Some of us are lucky to have great neighbours – the ones who keep an eye on your house while you're away, share a braai, and never steal your parking spot.

Yet for the rest of us? Our neighbours are either noise machines, professional moochers, or human CCTV cameras monitoring every move we make.

If you’ve ever considered moving to the middle of the Karoo just to escape your neighbour’s drama, this blog is for you. Let’s break down the three worst types of neighbours and, more importantly, how to deal with them like a proper South African.

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1. The noisy neighbour

This is the neighbour who treats their house like it’s LIV on a Saturday night.

Whether it’s an Amapiano playlist with bass that shakes the windows, dramatic arguments that sound like an episode of 'Skeem Saam', or endless TikTok videos featuring unnecessary screaming, they have one goal: to make sure everyone in the neighbourhood knows what’s happening.

How they drive you insane:

Their music is so loud that you know their entire playlist (whether you like it or not).

Their fights are so intense that you grab popcorn and a blanket because you’re now emotionally invested.

Their TikTok career requires them to scream, stomp, and repeat the same dance 50 times at full volume.

Load shedding doesn’t stop them. They just switch to their backup speaker or, worse, start singing acapella.

How to deal with them:

Have a friendly chat. Maybe they don’t realise their home is an unofficial club. Start with, “Bru, are we charging entrance fees, or…?”

Use counter-noise. If they blast music at 2 am, return the favour with your best Boeremusiek playlist at 7 am.

Noise complaints exist for a reason. If they refuse to keep it down, call the landlord, the body corporate, or in extreme cases… the cops. Even if they call you a snitch, at least there’ll be silence.

Invest in survival gear. Noise-cancelling headphones, earplugs, or even moving your bed to the opposite side of the house can help.

2. The “borrow and never return” neighbour

This is the neighbour who always needs something.

“Hey, can I borrow some sugar?” Sure.

“Hey, do you have some milk?” Alright.

"Hey, can I use your Wi-Fi for a bit?” Whoa, whoa, whoa!

One day, it’s your Tupperware, the next day, it’s your gas cylinder during load shedding. Before you know it, they’ve “borrowed” half your house.

How they drive you insane:

Your Tupperware collection has mysteriously disappeared, along with most of your spoons.

They never replace what they take. That “quick cup of sugar” has turned into a monthly grocery list.

They invite themselves to your braai… but never bring meat.

They owe you R20 but somehow always have money for Stoney and Magwinya.

How to deal with them:

Set firm boundaries. “Sorry, I actually need my own things… shocking, I know.”

Give them the worst version of what they want. They ask for coffee? Hand them the expired instant stuff you found at the back of your cupboard.

Start borrowing from them first. Watch how quickly they become unavailable when you need something.

Say no and don’t feel bad. Your groceries are not Shoprite and your Wi-Fi is not public access.

3. The nosy neighbour

This neighbour is basically Joe from 'You' (stalker vibes). They know everything about everyone.

They peek through their curtains when you come home, they somehow know where you went on holiday before you even tell them, and they casually mention, “So, I see you got new curtains.”

Bro, how do you even know that?

How they drive you insane:

They know your routine better than you do. “So, late from work today, hey?”

They don’t ask for information; they extract it. “So, who was that visitor? Is it your new boyfriend?”

They give unsolicited life advice: “You should cut your grass more often. Just saying.”

They “just happen to be outside” whenever you step out. Coincidence? I think not.

How to deal with them:

Answer their questions with sarcasm. “Oh, that person who visited? Just my private investigator making sure you’re not up to something.”

Give them something to gossip about. Start carrying random objects in and out of your house. A mannequin, a suitcase, a massive teddy bear. Always keep them guessing.

Be direct. “I prefer to keep my life private, but thanks for your concern.” Then stare at them until they leave.

Start feeding them fake gossip. “Did you hear about the underground tunnel I’m digging to escape load shedding?” Watch how fast the neighborhood WhatsApp group explodes.

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Living in South Africa means dealing with all sorts of weird things, but bad neighbours shouldn’t be one of them. That’s a totally different kind of stress that can literally drive you insane.

The key is to stay patient, set boundaries, and use a bit of humour. And if all else fails, just remember: there’s always a bigger house… in a quieter suburb… far away from them.