The four shades of love

Updated Feb. 14, 2025, 6:32 a.m. | By East Coast Breakfast / Skyye Ndlovu

Love isn’t just about candlelit dinners and heart-shaped chocolates – it’s so much deeper than that. Let’s celebrate the four unique ways love shows up in our lives.

When we think of love, our minds often jump to candlelit dinners, red roses, and heart-shaped chocolates. Yet, love is much bigger than just romance.

It’s the bond between best friends, the unconditional support of family, and even the love we show ourselves.

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day, let’s take a step back and appreciate the four shades of love that shape our lives.

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1. Romantic love: The classic love

Romance love — Romantic love / Andril Lysenko / iStock

Romantic love is the kind that dominates movies, music, and literature. From Shakespeare’s 'Romeo and Juliet' to modern rom-coms like 'Sex and the City', this form of love is often portrayed as the ultimate goal.

However, real love isn’t just about grand gestures. It's also about companionship, emotional safety, and choosing each other every day.

A study published in the 'Journal of Social and Personal Relationships' highlights that the happiest couples are those who prioritise friendship within their romance. Love isn’t just about passion, it’s about deep emotional connection and mutual respect.

The best ways to nurture romantic love:

Communicate openly and honestly.

Keep the spark alive with small surprises, not just grand gestures.

Support each other’s goals and personal growth.

2. Friendship love: The unexpected love

In a world obsessed with romantic pairings, we sometimes forget that deep, meaningful friendships are also love stories. Best friends are our safe space, our partners in crime, and the ones who love us at our worst.

A 2021 Harvard study on happiness found that strong social connections (especially friendships) are key to a fulfilling life. Unlike romantic relationships, which may change over time, deep friendships often provide lifelong companionship and stability.

The best ways to celebrate friendship:

Plan a “Friendship Appreciation Day” (think Galentine’s or Broentine’s Day).

Express gratitude by sending a heartfelt message or letter.

Create shared traditions, like movie nights or road trips.

3. Family love: The overlooked love

Family love is one of the first forms of love we experience, yet it’s often taken for granted. Whether it’s the unconditional love of a parent, the playful bond between siblings, or even the chosen family we create, these relationships shape who we are.

Studies show that strong family connections provide emotional support, boost self-esteem, and even improve mental health. While not all family relationships are perfect, making an effort to strengthen these bonds can lead to a more fulfilling life.

The best ways to strengthen your family:

Spend quality time together – without distractions.

Show appreciation through small acts of kindness.

Heal past wounds through open communication.

4. Self-love: The forgotten love

Perhaps the most underrated yet crucial form of love is self-love. Before we can fully love others, we must learn to love ourselves fully (flaws and all). Self-love isn’t about vanity; it’s about self-respect, boundaries, and personal growth.

Psychologists suggest that people who practice self-love have healthier relationships and higher self-esteem. When we treat ourselves with kindness, we attract healthier connections with others.

The best ways to cultivate self-love:

Set boundaries and say no when necessary.

Engage in activities that bring you joy.

Speak to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.

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Love isn’t just one thing – it's many things. It’s the quiet support of a friend, the laughter shared with family, the warmth of a partner’s embrace, and the kindness we show ourselves.

As we celebrate love this weekend, let’s expand our definition of love and appreciate all the ways it manifests in our lives.