Five tips for working with your spouse
Things like communication, routine, and commitment all play big roles in working better with your partner.
Some might think working with your other half is heaven, but that's not always true. Like anything new, there is a honeymoon period, but then the cracks start forming.
It's not anyone's fault; we should get out of the blame mentality. Sometimes, our personalities clash, and no two people will always have the same outlook. Normalising that is the first step to liberation.
We often live in a world that confines our understanding of marriage and relationships. Where we feel we must be perhaps always loving and caring, a society that prizes harmony over disagreement. Where the idea of disagreement itself equates to failure.
Today, Danny Guselli talks about working with your partner (as in you both work in the same office or work together). A concept that many people either love or hate. Usually, the ones that hate it have a negative understanding of what it entails, and those that love it have their head in the clouds.
Brand strategists and designers Davey and Krista, who are married and run their business together, share the uphills and joys of working together. We found their honesty inspiring.
This couple helps creative businesses build their brands so that they can book clients more efficiently and consistently.
Working with a spouse can be a huge blessing. There’s freedom and flexibility, and it’s often fun working together. Krista and I have really enjoyed being able to say yes to adventures that we wouldn’t have been able to go on when we were working our 9-5s. But it can also be challenging. Unlike a typical co-worker, your spouse probably feels completely comfortable challenging your ideas and telling you exactly how they feel. Or sometimes you might not communicate something because you assume your spouse will feel the same way you do.
They share five tips on how to work better together. They acknowledge that some of the points are a work-in-progress, but for the most part, they are doing well in their rhythm.
1. They leave each other notes
This sounds more romantic than it is. The point here is that they can communicate without the harshness of body language.
"Writing forces more thoughtfulness than speaking. When we write, we have to articulate and thus reflect on how we feel. It also allows the writer to say something without immediate judgment—no facial expressions expressing anger, joy, frustration, or happiness as a note is written. It’s a safe place to think, process, and articulate."
2. They believe in routine
This doesn't necessarily mean they follow the same routine but rather that they align their routines, or as Davey calls it, their days have the same rhythm.
They commit to accomplishing their tasks individually when their most productive part of the day is (the morning), getting a workout at some point, finishing their assignments by the time their sons get home, and spending time outdoors together.
3. Making decisions together
Don't get this twisted; making decisions together doesn't mean that you will always be on the same page.
"When working with a spouse, it can be easy to assume they’ll be okay with something. Maybe it’s committing to a project or event or not checking in about a decision because 'they’ll get over it'.
"After lots of mess-ups (lots and lots of mess-ups), we committed to one another that we’ll make every decision that involves the two of us together—even if it only indirectly involves one of us. This simple change has led to better dialogue and fewer arguments." (Davey and Krista)
4. Get clear on roles and responsibilities
This can often benefit couples in general, not just those working together. Defining your role in the relationship to help create healthy boundaries.
"Putting our responsibilities on paper helped us define each other’s area of focus and keep each other accountable. We’ve found that it gives each of us “ownership” over parts of the business and an understanding of how we can each impact the business.
We need to see each other’s roles as equally important, rather than just define roles and responsibilities. This can be a hurdle when one spouse joins the other’s business." (Davey and Krista)
5. Review your work relationship every quarter
"Businesses—and business relationships—evolve. We’ve found that it’s important to put time on the calendar to check in with each other to see how things are going. Each quarter, we take some time to revisit our roles and responsibilities to make sure they still make sense." (Davey and Krista)
Working with your partner in a business is never going to be easy, but it is also something that is bespoke to each couple. Doing a personality test and being open and honest in your communication can assist with finding a rhythm with your business partner/husband or wife.
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