Carol Ofori: "Nine things I wish weren't true about marriage"
This after nine years of marriage to Mr Ofori...
The 9th of August wasn't just Women's Day for Carol Ofori, but it was also her ninth wedding anniversary with her hubby, Greg Ofori.
And this year, the Oforis got to spend some quality time away at The Lazy Moose, a restaurant and luxury lodge located on the South Coast of KZN.
We asked Carol to share nine things she wished weren't true of marriage in her nine years of betrothal.
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This is what she had to say:
1. Marriage is hard. That is very true about marriage, you have to consistently work at your relationship, and you have to consistently find your feet together. It's hard work being married.
2. You have to work on yourself to be a better partner in your marriage.
3. You have to protect your marriage from external factors that could compromise your marriage. Always guard your marriage against external toxicity and challenges.
4. You have to take accountability for your actions in your marriage. Taking accountability for your inequality builds trust, respect, and love as well.
5. In your marriage you will at some point want to jump ship, but as Michelle Obama says, marriage is hard, and in a twenty-year marriage if you have fifteen good years and five really bad ones, it is a good trade-off. So, you have to look at the trade-off and not the moment.
But sometimes in marriage when you have tough times, the moments supersede everything else. But it's important to sit back and reflect and say from the nine years (in my case), how many of those years have been miserable.
And use that as a marker as to whether or not you want to jump.
6. The truth is, in a relationship, conflict grows you. And it's how you come out of the conflict that will determine whether you have a fruitful understanding of marriage or whether you just cannot resolve it.
Conflict can be a blessing in marriage. Because it gives you boundaries, you also get to learn more about yourself and your marriage. So, conflict can be a blessing if the lessons are taken. I wish it wasn't true but there is a lot of conflict in a marriage or in any relationship, actually.
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7. You choose each other every day. I wish this wasn't true but it's very true. Every day you choose each other, you choose to be married to the person that you married because you love them. Every day you make choices that result in you choosing your partner.
So, for example, your partner is sad today and not having the best time but your girls are going out for drinks and you do that quite often, you choose your partner and be at home with your partner and make them feel better about themselves.
8. Invest in your marriage. It's true you have to invest in your marriage and this can be financially through trips, dinners, activities together, solely together, nobody else. It also can be investing in counselling, time spent, and emotions.
9. You cannot be selfish in marriage. Being married is the most selfless act. Everything you do, you do in consideration of the other person, everything you commit to, you commit to in consideration of the other person.
So, it is true, you cannot be selfish if you want to be married. You are no longer thinking about yourself, you are thinking about the other person as well.
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