An open letter to my drug addict brother

South Africa marks Drug Awareness Week from 24 to 28 June. Experts agree that more than 11% of South Africans have addiction problems. 

As a mom, the thought of any of my kids going down the dark rabbit hole of addiction is one I can't even begin to imagine. 

It must be a family’s worst nightmare. 

You must have reached such a point of saturation and desperation when penning a letter like this. The reality of not being able to help your precious brother or child or father - and having to walk away. 

If you are dealing with something like this I beam my love and light to you. 

Dear Drug addict
 
The time has come to bid you farewell. 

We as your family have tried to assist as best we can, however,  as long as you have anger, resentment and blame that we have enabled you, opposed to helping you (willingly - and unwillingly by theft), we now walk away and leave you in your surreal world of drug abuse to yourself. 

You are a grown person, and if this is the route you choose, then so be it. 

We walk away. We remove ourselves from your life of self-destruction and manipulation. We walk away from your enabler who at every turn has managed to defeat the work we all collectively have done with you.

We are done.

But let me remind you of a few things whilst you gloat in your achievement of defeating the “evil family”:

You, drugs, stole away my brother. 
You, drugs, took the most amazing man and turned him into a shadow of himself. 
You, drugs, took humour and have replaced it by bitterness and no love for life, only the next fix and who you can screw over to get it.
You, drugs, took away amazing talent for singing and joy, and replaced it with sharp words and aggression.
You, drugs, took away love and replaced it with resentment, so much that you can no longer recognise your former self. 
You, drugs, are taking away a father to deserving children, and replacing it with a cycle of resentment to their father when they grow up.
You, drugs, you took away potential of a man who is able to achieve great things. 
You, drugs, took away faith and courage to do the right thing and have replaced it with a recluse who believes that anyone who steps into his realm is there to destroy your plan for the next fix. 
You, drugs, made him a shadow, afraid of the dark, afraid of the people who love him. The people who will be at his side come hell or high water. 

We know that we are still needed…as a means to an end, nothing more. 

So we cannot be that for you anymore DRUG ADDICT. 

YOU need to go.
 
And when you leave, I ask that you be kind to my brother, and occasionally allow him to have clear thoughts, good reminders of how things are not always so bad. 

That family, all with faults, are just that. Family. He can blame his father and mother, but they did the best they ever could for him. In fact, much more than the best.

Allow him to have some joy outside of your relationship once more.
 
Then to my brother: if you are still slightly available to listen, know that although you think it is a stage and the play is playing out, we behind the scenes have worked hard, tirelessly and with heartbreak to see you try and  help yourself.

We love you more than you will ever know, and we miss you. You have been gone for some time now and I don’t know if, or when, you will return.

Your children love you, and they need you to be the best version of yourself so that they do not grow up with resentment towards their father – as you did. 

Cut ties with your enablers, and move towards who you know deep down inside you are, and always will be. It is not too late, but one day it will be. 

It will be hard, but turning back now will be easier than continuing with your friend “drugs”. 

Time lost. Life lost. Family lost. 
 
As you once quoted: One story – One Life

Perhaps you will choose life.

​(File photo: Gallo Images)