Young and in love - but are you ready to tie the knot?

As young people, our life’s mandate is notoriously known to be on living ‘young, wild and free’. It is a rare and beautiful thing to meet young people who are ready to tie the knot. While marriage is a beautiful thing, there are factors and forces which, when not addressed, may lead to the end of something beautiful waiting to blossom. 

Have you been able to work through the past?

One of the most detrimental factors that could threaten your marriage is that of sweeping dirt from the past under the mat, and assuming that because you cannot see the dirt, it is not there. Well, unfortunately, you couldn’t be more wrong. The most demanding thing about dirt under a carpet is that sooner or later, you'll need to do some spring cleaning and the later in the relationship that you sweep that dirt out, the more jeopardy you put your relationship in. CONFESS.

Speak about your past and rid yourself of the burden of secrets. Yes, your spouse may have nothing to do with your past, however, in order to attain true intimacy, you need to be vulnerable enough to share everything about yourself. Surely a spouse who truly loves you will understand that as flawed as you once were, you are not your sins; you are not your mistakes. In fact, making mistakes is better than faking perfections. It is okay to admit and confess that you've once missed the plot; you were once a 'fool for love'; a rookie at loving someone. 

Spiritual Compatibility 

Spiritual compatibility is often overlooked when considering the compatibility of two people in a relationship. This observation is quite unfortunate because spiritual compatibility feeds into how a couple respond to issues in the relationship and just general life challenges.

The kind of resources that a couple can draw from in times of conflict and frustration can be limited if the couple isn’t on the same page about their spirituality. For instance, in the face of an argument, couples of the same spiritual belief may agree to meditate and sit apart for a few moments in order to regroup and abstain from speaking with anger, lest they declare things they do not mean. Meditation, in this instance, becomes a common spiritual resource from which a solution for the conflict is drawn.

However, if the couple has opposing beliefs, you may find that while one partner attempts to draw from a spiritual resource in order to combat the conflict, the other is addressing conflict in a way that opposes the efforts that seek to resolve the conflict. 

External Factors

If there’s one thing to always remember about marriage it is that you ought to have your partner’s back at all times. Part of having your partner’s back is striving to defend and protect him/her from the fears imposed upon your relationship by external forces. Sometimes, external forces don’t only pose a threat when physically entertained but their opinions and beliefs, if internalised, may cause harm. 

There are also the fears of our parents which, when imposed and internalised, may result in the failure of the things that we wish to strive for - in this instance, marriage. Let us face it, we do not all hail from the most perfect homes and often times we may have witnessed the darker sides to our parents’ marriages. In these instances, either your mother or father will fear for you and wish that you do not ever have to endure the kinds of heartaches that they may have experienced in marriage. This fear goes as far and deep as believing that ultimately marriage is a losing game, one of heartache and disappointment. While this fear may be an act of love and empathy, it contains the threat of subjecting your spouse to flaws and transgressions that aren’t even his/hers. Therefore, protect your spouse from dealing with borrowed flaws and fears. Remember, your journey is unique and so is your marriage. 

As the vow goes: “TILL DEATH DO US PART”, may it be death alone that separates you from your spouse. Tying the knot is an ‘All or Nothing’ type of affair, so do it thoroughly or spare yourself the agony of a bleeding heart.

“This is your springtime, your joy is blooming where thorns wilt.”- Ijeoma Umebinyuo

Also read: Living together before marriage: Good or bad idea?