Why you should never hit your child - expert advice

Some parents prefer to use methods like a naughty corner, while others feel the occasional hiding won’t hurt them. However, is giving your child a hiding the right thing to do? Nonhlanhla Makhathini, a social worker in private practice, answers this question for us. 

“Research indicates that hitting a child is one of the ineffective ways of disciplining. In South Africa hitting or spanking a child is illegal, hence it was abolished in schools, although parents still continue to hit children in their private homes,” says Makhathini. 

She adds that "any amount of hitting has a potential to impact negatively on a child’s cognitive ability, especially on how they see the world around them. Physically the child experiences pain from a parent whom they trust. Excessive hitting can result in body marks. Parents can receive a jail sentence for causing bodily harm to their children." 

Not only is hitting an ineffective way to discipline a child, but Makhathini warns that it may have the following effects: 

• The child may model the behaviour observed from the parent by hitting other children.

• Anti-social behaviour may develop often because of a lack of self- respect and increased feelings of rejection.

• Anger may be internalised with recurring outbursts.

• Anger is expressed through hitting, striking and inflicting pain on others.  

• Because of anger, the child may be emotionally detached, making it difficult to form a meaningful and trusting relationship with others - including parents. Many children and teens may find it difficult to open up to their parents about issues of life due to the threat of being punished. 

• Parents often fail to train their children, resorting to hitting their children due to frustration.

• It can lead to abuse due to life frustrations in the lives of parents which is often expressed by hitting children.

• Children often do what is expected mostly out of fear of being punished. 

• They might repeat the same mistake because the children did not come to an understanding of why they should behave.  

• Hitting may lead to anxiety attacks due to fear of failure. Hitting is often associated with shame and low self-esteem.

Makhathini advises that parents should use alternative discipline methods:

• Parents should get into the habit of training their children before making an unrealistic demand on them. They should never give up on training. It is a lifelong process. It is the most crucial process before the age of ten.   

• Rules should be clear and parents should be consistent. 

• The expectation should be age appropriate.

• Withdrawal of privileges is often effective as children don’t like to lose them and reasons must be explained. 

• Schools still utilise break period as a form of discipline because every child wants to be with their friend during that time.

• Once the disciplinary measure is completed the parent must continue to train a child until the behaviour is internalised. Children are often excited about mastering new behaviours. 

Lastly, Makhathini says parents should always remember to reward good behaviour and affirm their child.

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