Love across the racial divide

South Africa will be celebrating Human Rights Day on Wednesday, but one of the country’s most basic rights – the right to love and marry whomever you choose -  often attracts a lot of negativity from society.

The Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Amendment Act of 1949 prevented white people from marrying anyone outside of their race. But that all changed in the “new” South Africa, with the Civil Union Act of 2006 recognising the right of same-sex couples to get married.

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Mbali and Michael Bezuidenhout are proof that love can conquer all – a phrase they live by.

The Durban-couple appeared on an episode of the popular Mzansi Magic show, ‘Our Perfect Wedding”.

Their love story captivated the hearts of viewers, with many praising them for overcoming every obstacle that was thrown their way.

Mbali, a Grade 1 teacher at Athlone Park Primary, says she met Michael almost 10 years ago on Anton Lembede Street (formerly Smith Street).

“He was staying almost three flats away from mine. We became good friends because he used to wait for me every day outside my flat just to say hi."

It would take Michael seven-and-a-half years to finally convince her to date him. 

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Mbali says once they started dating, the couple only had eyes for each other and didn’t realise in the beginning that people were staring at them because of the colour of their skin.

“Colour has never been an issue for us. We soon learnt to kiss and hold each other in front of disapproving eyes and just embrace each other… Not everyone will understand our love and we don’t expect them to… as long as they respect us in public.”

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Michael proposed to Mbali a year after they started dating.

“After that the lobola negotiations started. Soon after that we found out we were going to be parents. We met our little man Tory in 2015, and 2016 we had our traditional wedding. Then 2017 we had our white wedding and now here we are.”

The couple decided to feature their big day on ‘OPW’.

Mbali wanted to go on the show in the hopes that their story would help others who are going through trials and want to give up on love.

“When we had shared our story, we really didn’t anticipate the change it would make in our lives. The feedback we received was indescribable, our social media pages have been so busy with good and bad feedback, but mostly good.”

Mbali says she kept her relationship with Michael from her “strict” parents until he proposed.

“When they eventually met him, they automatically understood why I had fallen in love with him. That was the day they became our parents.”

Michael’s family was also supportive, particularly his aunt and uncle who raised him. Mbali says it has been fun “intertwining both of our cultures, teachings, values and morals”.

Like many men in an interracial relationship with a black woman, Michael has had to get used to the “hair struggle”. 

“One moment I remember happened the first month we moved in together. As we were getting ready to go to sleep, I remember taking my wig off and hanging it on the hook. I will never forget Michael’s face when he realised all this time it wasn’t my real hair. He almost had a heart attack."

When it comes to their son Tory Uminathi, Mbali says they have an interesting way of discussing race.

“We always talk about race in our household as flavours because to us it's what’s inside that matters. That is why Mickey is my Vanilla and I am Chocolate and we made our Caramel. Tory doesn’t even realise mom and dad are different... He just sees mommy and daddy, but if that day does come where some child asks him why mommy is like this and daddy is like that, we will tell him ‘God made a lot of different flavours… God loves all his flavours too and you are just another special flavour…"

Mbali and Michael have had to overcome many hardships in their relationship. Before they moved in together, Michael lived in a shelter.

“The day I made the decision to support and stick with my man, even when he had lost everything that mattered to him, was the day God started testing my strength. He lost his family and was not working, meaning I had to make means to support both of us. We moved into a room in Yellowwood Park which was smaller than a regular kitchen…He would wake up every morning and go job hunting while I had to balance two jobs to put food on our table.”

Mbali says she will never forget the day he came home “looking as red as a tomato” to tell her he finally got a job as a security guard, earning R1, 800.

“We both jumped for joy and were so happy we were both in tears. Yes, people laughed at me and questioned why I was with this man, but they didn’t understand the joy and love he showered me with every single day. Every time he would get paid he would take the R1800, take out his bus fare money, and tell me to get things for the house with the rest. That was the day I realised if this man can take care of me with such a small income, when he does earn big he will treat me like a queen."

Mbali, who holds down a second job as a real estate agent, says Michael saved every cent he could to pay for her lobola, even though it was not part of his culture.

Michael now works as a machine operator at a butchery.

“What I value most about my wife is that she takes care of her husband and son and even though her day is busy, and she has many commitments with her two jobs, studies, sports and everything else going on, she still prioritises us and when she gets home she makes time for me and our son,” he says.

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