Habits that can put a strain on your marriage during lockdown
Marriage counsellor Gerrie Pretorius of Lifecounsel shares habits that couples need to avoid during lockdown which can put a strain on the relationship.
South Africa is currently under lockdown as a result of the coronavirus outbreak which has affected millions of people around the world.
Families are spending more time at home together than they usually would, which has its pros and cons - especially for couples.
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Marriage counsellor Gerrie Pretorius says spending more time together can either uplift or further break down relationships.
“I often ask couples in session to evaluate their priorities. It is with no surprise that couples always identify the most important aspect of life is their relationships,” he says.
Gerrie advises couples to take the time to re-evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of their unions.
He adds that it is also crucial for couples to avoid doing things that can cause friction in relationships.
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Too much usage of gadgets
The first thing he warns against is the excessive use of social media or spending too much time on digital platforms.
“Limit your time on digital platforms," says Gerrie.
Instead of focusing on building their relationship and connecting with their spouse, some partners can find themselves more consumed with gadgets such as cell phones, laptops, and video games.
This can cause the other partner to feel neglected.
Avoid watching too much television
Gerrie says couples should limit their time watching television.
Spending most of your time in front of a TV cause harm in your marriage, especially if you neglect other duties such as cleaning and tidying up the house.
Do not overload yourself with current news affairs
Although it is good to know what’s happening around the world, Gerrie warns against spending much of your time consuming news.
“Do not overload yourself with current news affairs. Be informed but do not overload yourself with information,” he says.
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Limit your alcohol consumption
The sale of alcohol is banned in South Africa, but some people managed to stockpile alcohol.
If you are one of those people, Gerrie says be careful of consuming too much alcohol.
"Limit your alcohol consumption,’ warns Gerrie.
The marriage counsellor says couples must use this time to work on their emotional intimacy which can get neglected over time.
“Emotional intimacy is the heartbeat of the relationship,” says Gerrie.
He adds that if phrases such as: “I don’t feel as connected to you anymore”, “I feel like I don’t know you”, “you’re not the same person I married” sound familiar, then the emotional intimacy has been neglected.
Gerrie gives tips on how to strengthen your emotional intimacy during the lockdown period:
Start with you checking how you are doing emotionally
“Ensure you have time to resolve your own struggles and shortcomings. Couples feed on one another emotionally so ensure you continually work to better yourself. Take ownership of yourself and find happiness within yourself first and don't expect your partner to fulfil that void,” he says.
Feel more connected with your spouse
- Disclose more to feel closer.
- Be open and truthful towards one another.
- Make more time for deeply emotional communication.
- Do something new together.
- Show affection towards your partner.
- Build trust.
- Create emotional security.
READ: The seven secrets to making your marriage flourish
Don't neglect communication
Gerrie couples can improve their communication by doing the following things:
- Learn to become better communicators
- Create a safe space to talk.
- Learn how to listen to your partner.
- Practice empathizing with your partner.
- Understand how to safely communicate difficult information by practising the Couples Dialogue.
Spend quality time together
Gerrie encourages couples to do the following:
- Cuddle with one another.
- Read helpful books together or get online books like 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. "This will help the couple understand themselves and their partners better. It will then also give coupes time to practice and apply what they have read," says Gerrie.
- Do fun things together so to enjoy laughing together.
- Enjoy quiet moments together.
- Cook together.
- Bath together.
- Be silly together.
- Play board games together.
Lastly, Gerrie says couples should "break routines and be spontaneous. Think outside the box".