Consent: The absence of 'no' does not mean 'yes'
Consent is a non-negotiable, so it's vital you understand what it all entails.
#SkeemSaam has been trending on social media.
The popular South African drama highlighted the issue of rape and what it means to consent after the character Tobias was sentenced to fifteen years in prison for the rape of Ntswaki Rathoka.
The sentencing had Mzansi divided, with some feeling the sexual act was consensual, while other social media users said it was rape.
In the storyline, Ntswaki, who is underage, lies to Tobias that she is a college student. The two enter into a relationship and one night out, Ntswaki suggested that they go to a private place, which led to them going to Tobias's home. They got into the room where they kissed. While kissing, things got heated, and Ntswaki asked Tobias to get a condom before they could engage in sexual intercourse. When Tobias tried to get condoms, Ntswaki told him she had condoms. While reaching for the condoms, she realised she had missed calls from her guardians and told Tobias she should go home.
Tobias opted to convince her to rather stay. The two of them went on to kiss and sleep together. The following day, Ntswaki sent an SMS telling Tobias the night was epic and they should do it again. Later, Ntswaki filed for rape.
The judge ruled in favour of Ntswaki, saying that when she wanted to go home. Tobias should not have persuaded her to stay. Tobias said Ntswaki never said 'no' to the act; however, this was not seen as a strong enough argument.
READ: Dealing with rape as a male victim
Social media was divided over the ruling.
Understanding consent
Rape is one of the most devastating crimes.
Each day, thousands of people around the world are sexually violated.
In South Africa, a woman is raped every 12 minutes, states Action Society.
Rape cases can be very complex, especially when it comes to the issue of consent.
Some people might have misinformation or misunderstanding when it comes to what consent means. However, it is important to ensure that the person you intend to sleep with agrees to engage in the sexual activity.
READ: Expert looks at the link between high teenage pregnancy and statutory rape
Below are some things to understand about consent.
Consent can be revoked
Giving into sex does not mean one cannot change his/her mind mid-act. According to the law, if a person says no while having sex, the other party must stop, otherwise, it is rape.
The Hotline Organisation states: "Both partners should keep giving, and looking for, consent."
It adds that "just because you’ve given consent to an act before, doesn’t mean it becomes a 'given' every time."
The site goes as far as explaining that even if a person was sexually active in the past, that does not mean the consent is automatic in the new relationship.
Consent is not automatic
Just because you are in a relationship or married does not mean your partner has automatically given you consent.
Saying yes to one act doesn't mean consent is given to all
'Saying yes to one act doesn’t mean you have to consent to other acts. Each requires its own consent. Example: Saying yes to oral sex doesn’t automatically mean you’re saying yes to intercourse,' states the Hotline Organisation.
The absence of no does not mean yes
'The absence of a “no” does not equal a “yes”. What you or a partner chooses to wear doesn’t mean that you or they are inviting unwanted sexual attention or “pre-consenting”. The same can be said for flirting, talking, showing interest or any other actions," states the Hotline Organisation.
Are you a victim of rape? Read the following - Dealing with rape and sexual offences.
Image courtesy of iStock/ @Ake Ngiamsanguan
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