Another big warning from World Health Organisation
You want to read this.
Not long after the announcement made linking processed meats and bacon to certain types of cancer, WHO has delivered yet another heavy dietary blow – one which will also affect vegans.
Speaking at an emergency press conference in Geneva on Tuesday afternoon, a spokesperson for the agency warned against eating muesli before 10 am on weekdays.
WHO spokesperson, Jean-Pierre Jejunum said, “After extensive research and data analysis we have found a definite link between the consumption of muesli before 10 o’clock on a weekday and the likelihood of being hit by a bus.”
Jejunum said people who consume muesli first thing in the morning on a weekday have a much higher risk of being killed by a bus than those who consumed bacon and eggs.
“We have spent 9 years collecting, collating and analysing the data, and it is our duty as the World Health Organisation to make our findings public. By avoiding muesli before 10 o’clock you can and will reduce your risk of being hit by a bus by up to 7%. This is substantial,” Jejunum said.
According to Jejunum, it is suspected there might be an ingredient or compound in muesli that either influenced depth perception or made people attracted to the smell of the fumes emitted by a bus.
For countries that do not have a public transport system, Jejunum said consumers of muesli risked being hit by a low-flying hawk.
“The findings are irrefutable,”he said.
The World Health Organisation will now campaign to have warning notices printed on all packs of muesli before April 2016.
(The above is a satirical piece from #newsbyrory and is not intended to be taken seriously.)
